Writer Wars Round 3: AntiVestments by Jeremy

 

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Anti-Vestments

(My Picks for the Most Notable “Not-so-key” 1st appearances)

 

Comic speculation guys can be pretty serious sometimes and even – salty. Does EVERY blog post, hot pick video and app notification HAVE to be full of numbers, ROI’s and daring projections about the sizzling characters of the current wave of speculation? Nahhhh. I think I may have even lost some of you in that last sentence.

Run with me here… it could be worth it, for one reason or another.

Remember when we were little and we used to say “it’s opposite day!”? Well… it’s opposite day here on CBSI. We’re going to take a look at something I call “anti-vestments”. I’ve got some hot picks this week for Marvel comic book characters almost no one should bother speculating on, unless you’re the kind of person who just LOVES a good trainwreck. Or I guess If I’m wrong you could end up with a small fortune on your hands, but that’s incredibly unlikely just so you know. So, let’s have some fun here, shall we?

You can find a lot of other articles out there this week talking about Beta Ray Bill, Robbie Reyes Ghost Rider, and whether or not Naomi is here to stay. But allow me to lead you into another side of the multiverse, where we will focus on the least impressive characters with the lowest potential to strike a chord with your heart and your wallet. So without further delay, let’s get to the spec! I give you my picks for the best “Un-vestments” in no particular order:

 

Ruby Thursday: Marvel Comics – First appearance in Defenders #32 (1976) 

 

The villain Ruby Thursday (aka Thursday Rubinstein) was a member of the mad scientist group The Headmen, who boast such memorable and formidable foes as Shrunken Bones, Chondu the Mystic, and Gorilla Man (all worth a look as well). What can I say about our gal Ruby? An exotic frame with an intimidating posture and… a big shiny red ball for a head. Oh, and it can grow arms and tentacles out of that red reflective globe. She and Mysterio would probably have a lot to talk about.

You can pick up Mrs. Rubinstein’s debut in Defenders #32 for around $4, which as a bonus also has the origin of Nighthawk if you’re into that kind of thing. On the plus side, it is a pretty cool cover and who knows, maybe Ruby Thursday has a future on the big screen. Ok, probably not.


I should have put a sarcasm warning in here somewhere.  

 

Frog-Man: Marvel Comics – first appearance Marvel Team-Up #121 (1972)


 

Now I realize I might get some criticism from Frog-Man fans for including him in this list especially considering it’s not a giant “leap” to think our friend Eugene Paul Patillo could actually end up in a Spider-Verse type cartoon or movie. Nonetheless, this little guy doesn’t have much going for him, especially in the costume department.

Eugene’s father Vincent gave Matt Murdock some trouble back in the day. He was known as the villain Leapfrog. His son Eugene decided to use one of dad’s old costumes and try to be the hero his father never was. Not a bad backstory, but dang that costume is silly.
Frog-Man has had some success battling baddies like Speed Demon, but this 15-year-old kid has a ways to go before he’s effective in the big leagues. Let’s face it- that suit needs work.

“The Fabulous” Frog-Man’s first appearance is in Marvel Team-Up #121, and you can grab that one in the dollar bin for sure.

 

Kofi Whitemane: Marvel Comics – first appearance Power Pack #15 (1984)


      

 

In keeping with the teenage animal theme, I give you “Kofi Whitemane”. Kofi Whitemane sounds like the house band at the Kentucky Derby after party, and this picture doesn’t help. Actually, there are even worse pictures of him out there, but I’ll let you find those on your own. Nonetheless, “Lord” Kofi Whitemane is of a people called the Kymellian, and I honestly just don’t have the passion to go too deep into it. I will say he’s five feet tall with pink hair, and he potentially has the power to manipulate all different aspects of physics. So far however, Kofi has only learned teleportation over short distances. Sounds like someone needs to put in some time and develop his skills.

If you want to pick up “Lord” Kofi Whitemane’s first appearance it’s in Power Pack #15, which actually happens to have everyone’s other favorite cosmic horse-faced Thor guy Beta Ray Bill on the cover. You can grab this issue in NM condition for a modest investment of around $3. I don’t think there’s a big hurry here, but maybe the Bronies will luck out, and Kofi will be a “mane character” in the MCU soon.

 

Sugar Man: Marvel Comics – first appearance Generation Next #2 (1995)

 

 

Ohhh Sugar Man, you are just an awful looking character. Four arms, a giant head-body torso thing, and a long whippy slimy tongue. This nasty guy makes Modok look somewhat normal. He’s a product of the 1990’s era of comics and we know what that generally means.

Sugar Man can change the size of his body, possesses super strength and has even impaled someone with his tongue. Yep, he did that. I don’t expect to see this sweet fella on the big screen any time soon, but if you need to have his first appearance you can find Generation Next #2 for just over cover price, which honestly is about $3 too much in my opinion.

Those are my top picks for the best “Un-vestments” in Marvel comics right now. These goofy characters might be hiding in your long boxes as we speak and if they are, congratulations! At the end of the day, they’re still first appearances, and you never know what will happen in this crazy world of comic book speculation.
I would LOVE to see your opinions on these characters and any others I may have missed.


Happy hunting!
-Jeremy

 

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