The Not10 Way to Make Money in Comics

 

Not too long ago, I was confronted by a misguided fan with the “facts” that CBSI is a business and that we are making money hand over fist, usually to the tune of exploiting someone.  Well I quickly checked my figures and came to the conclusion that I in fact had not made hand over fist money with CBSI.

I inquired with Ben Steiniger (of Hot 10 fame) whether he had, and he replied that he also did not.  Now if the writer of the most popular article on comicbookinvest.com isn’t making the big bucks then this disturbed me because it is known (it is known) that we should be making this kind of money.

So I decided to put together an action plan to make crazy comic money (to the tune of exploiting someone) and am here to share it with you.  Yes, you heard it here first: THIS IS YOUR FOOLPROOF WAY TO MAKE MONEY IN COMICS!!!

 

  1. Gather a fanbase (ok, I think CBSI has enough members). CHECK!
  2. Think of the quickest way to make money in comics.  Do a store variant! CHECK!
  3. Make the variant incentive-y by promising more than one variant. CHECK!
  4. But because time is money, use templates so that you don’t have to draw too much.  And best of all, don’t put too much effort into the backgrounds! CHECK!
  5. Make sure that the extra variants are really just quick photoshop changes – CHECK!

 

OK, I present to you the Khoi Cakes Cash Grab Plan A templates:

 

cash-grab-plan-a-templates

 

Ha!  Just kidding!  It’s April Fool’s Day and this is actually just another ugly covers write-up (although the cash grab plan is for real, sadly).  So without further ado, let’s get to the ugliness, if you can handle anymore of it.

 

10) Marvel Knights Unlimited Featuring Daredevil #21

 

marvel-knights-unlimited-featuring-daredevil-21

 

Mack is usually dead on with his paintings but what the hell is going on here???  I get that art is subjective but I’m a simple guy and this has me scratching my head.

Of course some troll will probably come along and tell me I’m wrong because if I read the book, I would know.  And then link me to a sales page. After trying to rehash my list. But not before setting up a fake account even though the original was never banned.  Because static IP, right?

 

9) X-Men Gold #1 Cover B Hip-Hop Variant

 

x-men-gold-1-cover-b-hip-hop-variant

 

OK, I’ve said it before but why the hell is Marvel sourcing out work to established artists in other fields when there are tons of young, hungry comic artists waiting for their chance to get their name out there?

Much respect to this artist because he really is talented but being talented in one field does not necessarily mean you make good comic book covers. Don’t you agree geriatric Ororo?

 

8) The New Teen Titans Vol 2 #21

 

the-new-teen-titans-vol-2-21

 

Because it’s not only new artists that have their rough days, even some of the greatest comic artists don’t always get it right.  This is a cover painted by George Perez. Yes, the George Perez. It’s not that bad right?

If you discount the choppers (wait, is this an homage to the Asian caricatures of the Golden Age) and that Cheshire looks like she has the skin of a 67 year old tanning salon worshipper (she’ll tell you she’s only hitting her late 40s), then it’s not all that bad.

Nope! Didn’t I say it’s April Fool’s? Did you see how I went from one geriatric looking character to another geriatric character? Man, I am good at these segues.

 

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This is how Cheshire is usually drawn… let’s stick to the pencils, ok George? (Hint: come back here for eye bleach.)

 

7) Youngblood Strikefile Vol 1 #5

 

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Because this is an ugly covers article and because Rob Liefeld is a God at it, an Image book from the 90s is a must.  Not really much to say here that hasn’t been covered before.

No one does anatomy quite like Liefeld so proportions really don’t matter and feet aren’t exactly a requirement either.  Nor hands apparently. Are those scars or veins? With Leifeld, it’s always a guess.

This is actually one of Liefeld’s less offensive covers.

 

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“I see nothing wrong with the proportions here Mr. Cakes”

 

6) Injustice: Ground Zero Vol 1 #12

 

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Speaking of proportions, there seem to be quite a few modern artists that haven’t mastered the concept either.  Superman seems to have skipped leg day or maybe space makes his legs looks extra short and tiny.

Whoever laid out the design of the cover didn’t do a very good job as the spacing is as awkward looking as Superman’s face.   But you know what the real kicker is? That’s not Harley Quinn or Wonder Woman.

Nope, those are actually men – probably Supes and Bats under that makeup cuz DC put out too much money funding movies and didn’t get the returns they were expecting.

So it’s up to Supes and Bats to save the day by standing in because Harley and Wonder Woman cost money.

 

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PS. this was the same misguided fan that I talked to.

 

5) Hellshock #2

 

hellshock-2

 

You know how you go to Mile High and laugh at the web design because it hasn’t been updated since dial-up? Nostalgia can be fun until you realize that wearing JNCOs was not as cool as you remember.

Going back to the well that is the 90’s, nothing screams out that time period like some really bad fonts and a garish background and color scheme (you can never have enough flames because flames are cool!).

Jae Lee is a good artist, so it’s surprising that there really isn’t any of his art on the cover. I can only imagine that this book editor was pretty lazy. Almost as lazy as someone who only writes one article per year.  Almost.

 

4) Mosaic #1 Cover B Hip Hop Variant

 

mosaic-1-cover-b-hip-hop-variant

 

OK, I’m seeing a trend here with these hip hop covers.  So the original Earl album that this is an homage of actually distorts the image so the face looks out of whack.

I’m not sure that even with the distortion corrected this would be a decent looking cover. As is, Mosaic has to be one of the ugliest Inhumans out there, including Lockjaw.  That says a lot since Lockjaw looks like a dog.

Feel free to disagree and enjoy your Inhumans show while you’re at it.

 

3) Spider-Gwen #24

 

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This cover had promise, it really did.  Nice black background with a cool design concept of spiders crawling on the main character who is emerging from the blackness.

The only problem is that they let Robbie Rodriguez draw it. Rodriguez is to hands what Liefeld is to feet. This is a stage parlor trick where her hand is actually behind her back and it’s a stunt hand filling in, right?

I mean those fingers have so much space between them this is the worst case of man hands ever. Her hand is literally as wide as her face. Speaking of which, I can only imagine that Gwen was drunk-web swinging and ran into a building face first.

Yup, that must explain it. Sigh.

 

2) DC:  The New Frontier #4

 

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Egads this is a horrendous cover.  The saving grace is that Darwyn Cooke redeems himself by drawing the interiors in his usual style and the story has had some great reviews.

Remember kids, experimenting isn’t bad unless things go horribly wrong. Then you’re screwed for life. Just saying.

 

1) New Titans #109

 

new-titans-109

 

How can you take one of the hottest babes in all of comics and turn her into Donatella Versace?  Bill Jaaska is not a bad artist, far from it, so it’s rather shocking. Maybe DC was having the equivalent of Marvel’s how-bad-can-you-mess-up-a-character contest?

Oh wait, that’s only for the writing.  My bad. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

Honorable Mention:   

#never forget

 

immortal-iron-grandpa-jizzy-fist-in-rainboots

Immortal Iron Grandpa Jizzy Fist in rainboots.

 

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