Get Some Static, But Don’t Get Soaked!
Well, well, squirrels, everyone’s got a reason ta’ be a digger these days.
What with Hollywood unable to come up with original ideaars anymore (Let’s remake the remake, yeah) it seems everyone n’ their mothers are turnin’ ta’ funnybooks — just about any funnybook — to revive their fortunes and strike it big on da silver screen. And the recent rash o’ movie announcements got plenty o’ folks bin divin’ ta find cheap copies o’ books that they then flip to the folks too lazy to do so on eBay or Facebook for markups I’d call criminal.
This here phenomenon’s a big fat red flag for anyone with some sorta’ gray matter in their noggin, fer a couple o’ reasons I will break down fer ya:
First, buyin’ up books right after a deal or somethin’s been announced is predictable an’ frankly risky. Hollywood don’ work like the rest o’ the world.
Sometimes A lot of times studios buy scripts just to lock ‘em up in a drawer. They’ll never make it to the screen. What? You spen’ money to do nothing? Yup. There might be some fanfare when the deal is done, but really, it ain’t goin’ anywhere. If it’s not a film bein’ done by the ‘Big 2’ then the actual chances of a final version are slim, n’ you might be learnin’ that the hard way (Rat Queens, anyone?)
Secondly, if it ain’t a Marvel flick being done by Marvel, or DC for The CW (Those leaked pix of Joker toolin’ around in a Hot Wheels for Suicide Squad has confirmed for me DC movies will be s*#t) you’re better holdin’ off until the final product’s close enough for inspection. (And I mean paying a premium for a book. If you can find it at cover or near that, o’ course you can pick that up.)
Why hold off? For the simple reason o’ track record n’ execution. Good movies are hard to make. I know I mentioned this before — everyone’s buyin’ Valiant again. But why? Yeah, they’re gonna make movies. So? They gotta company behind ‘em that ain’t produced anything close to the quality o’ a Marvel film. (An experiment to test this: Take out the fight scenes and try sittin’ through what’s left o’ John Wick). When they produce their first stinker, yur goin’ to be cryin’ in yer watered-down beer cuz you can’t afford any better. This matters: watch Powers and compare that to Netflix’s Daredevil. Which one offers Sci-Fi Channel-level special effects n’ dialogue? An’ which show got your non-comic book readin’ friends hooked?
Third, just because a movie might have X, Y an’ Z characters innit, that don’t mean u run out n’ buy the first appearances o' those second, third an even fourth-tier characters (i.e., Caliban, Rainbow Rider, yur Aunt Besssie) for a PREMIUM. Ah have to ask, as a collector, what’s your goal then in doin’ so? You think you’ll be able to make money offa them? I know plenty o' guys makin’ a killin’ offa guys like you. So help them get richer while you lose. Let me be the first to tell the lot o’ ya. Oh no? Blink looked great in that last X-men movie. And people were like’ damn she is awesome. Some folks laid out buncha clams for that first appearance o’ hers. Well you can still get her first appearance for nothin’ and she already wuz up on the big screen. (Pfffftttt air goin’ outta a balloon.)
Hey, collectin’ supposed ta be fun. If ya get soaked, will you still be enjoyin’ it?
So let’s walk through a couple o’ picks in an extra-sized helpin’ from good ol’ Uncle Sadjunk that’ll help you make some good buys right now that are cheap (though they probably won’t be for much longer).
Find it Now:
All-New Marvel Now! Point One #1 (March, 2014) Second printing
Lot’s been written about this already, both on here an' in an extensive review by the Canucklehead Dakoit Cave. But that won’t stop me from puttin’ this top o’ the list. Why? No movie for this character yet. Also, I have to re-emphasize this since lots o’ you folks don’t bother readin': This book was officially designated Ms. Marvel Kamala Khan’s first appearance by the gradin’ folk. You can still unbelievably get this for cover at your LCS, an’ about 10 clams online. Hustle out there and get the first printin', and find yourself a copy o’ the second printin’. That’s got the blue number marker in the top right corner and blue banner across the bottom. Findin’ the latter might be tough, in VF+ even tougher. Man up an’ do me proud.
Static Shock #1:
Good lord please scroll up and juss' read what I posted earlier again. But that won’t stop you, I know that. Some serial flippers are already cashing in on this tripe. I insist you go to the dollar bin at your LCS where these books have been and buy your copy for 50 cents. I’m damn well serious about this. Please, for the love o’ Mary. Step away from the eBay. Use your common sense here.
Lemme make a suggestion o’ what I think is the better Static Shock buy for those o’ you who want the challenge: Static Shock Vol. 1 #45. Minuscule print run for a regular superhero series, about 4.5K. That’s it. Sudden cancellation makes this the last issue. Featurin’ a cover by FREAKIN’ MOEBIUS! You should ignore the online offerin’s that got this book pegged at $100. I made it a mission to find one in a bin, and found a mint copy on my third try. Cuz’ aint NOBODY been buyin’ Static for years, so you damn well have a good chance o’ finding this at your LCS. Find it, buy it, and give it a nice place in your PC. Because it features what I believe is the among the rarest Moebius covers to have, if you appreciated that man’s artwork.
NEW MUTANTS RANT
OHHH they’re gonna make a ‘New Mutants’ movie! They ain’t said nothin’ else, but I gotta buy the FIRST New Mutants appearance! Even though the only thing I know is they share a title. A TITLE. Here, take my $100 for that crappy graphic novel thas’ been gatherin’ dust on that there shelf since 1980!
Wow, that kinda logic makes me wonder how we ever landed on the moon, folks.
Buyers that pay those kinda figures for those books aren’t mah readers I hope. ‘Cuz I sure as hell would NOT recommend that. Let’s think about this for a sec, k:
The folks makin’ these Mutant movies at Fox don’t follow the books, but rather take inspiration from ‘em. They mash up stuff and pick from here an’ there. Look at the casting for the Deadpool movie: some Morlock chick. Colossus. Negasonic Teenage Warhead. I mean, “Huh?”
The only thing I can discern is they pick story lines. Mebbe they throw darts as to how they choose ‘em. So, Days o’ Future Past. Fall o’ the Mutants, Age of Apocalypse, plus 80s X-men.
My best guess is, if they gonna go anywhere with the New Mutants project, it’s Grant Morrison’s storylines. They already tapped E: For Extinction for Ms. Negasonic.
Who do I think they will definitely have in any New Mutants movie? The Stepford Cuckoos. Come on, a set of young blondes on the screen? You know that’s gonna happen. Make sure you have New X-Men Vol. 1 #117 and #118. A crapload o’ first appearances, including the telepathic blondys.
Then you need to get New X-Men Vol. 1 #134, the first appearance o’ Quentin Quire, or Kid Omega. Why? Read the damn storyline, I’m no blasted Marvel Wiki!
Then, pick up the run o’ issues from the New Mutants Vol. 2 series. Chock block o’ first appearances that are dirt-cheap right now. So many I can’t even count ‘em all. I’ve picked these up for 50 cents. I mean hell you can’t even git the proverbial cup o’ coffee for that much no more.
An’ if you don’t got this, I ain’t gon’ cry for you one bit: NYX #3. Because I betcha they goin’ keep a Wolverine link on the screen with this film, and how better they goin’ do that then again, have a nice lookin’ young lady wit’ claws. Call it the Ms. Marvel effect. HOLY MOLY UNCA SAD JUNK, YOU TELLIN' ME TO SPEND MORE'N A DOLLAR ON A FUNNY BOOK? Yessire-bob, Laura Kinney's first full appearance guides for about a bill and way more than that on the eBay, but if you think this book’s expensive right now, when they cast this character, the way folks’ been chasing trash and lame-ass first apps, they goin’ be handin’ over first borns to get this one. So invest now, boys n' girls. Sometimes you gotta spend some dough to make some bread.
Oh yeah I lyke my wimmin damn right I’m a dirty old man and you all are too! Since folks are too busy buyin books an’ not sharing haul stories (firstname.lastname@example.org if you wanna crow) I’ll end my column with some crowd-pleasin’ cheap T&A (terrific artwork, what’d you thought I meant?)
She Hulk Vol. 2 #13
An awesome Thanos cover! They gon’ fight or … seein’ purple skin justa ‘bout pressed against green skin got’s the ol’ junk a’ tinglin’! Well I do think you all forgot about this one! With all the runnin' an' gunnin' I've seen for anythin' Thanos related, kinda surprisin' that this here book's got lost in the wash. Especially since its el cheapo and nyce. And a small print run to boot as well (26K)!
Catwoman Vol. 3 #70
Jezuz wept. Adam Hughes art, lipstick red cover, Catwoman in black shiny latex, and for cover price at most LCS’s? WTF! People are spending fortunes on other issues of his. This one kinda is forgotten. I don't know why. They even used this cover on a compendium of his works. So it's that good. But you don't need me to tell you that. Hell, now that I'm highlightin' it it'll be flamin' $15 bucks in a minute. But hey I'll be on eBay sellin' copies so bang on that drum boy, I'll play ya that tune for yur money!
Tomb Raider Issues, various (All Adam Hughes covers)
I’m just gonna put these two fine ladies out here. Well boys, full disclosure here: Ah do think y'all know now what kinda man ah' am when it comes to a bucket o' fried chicken! There are a whole crop o' these amazin' covers from Adam Hughes. But somehow, again, they just kinda fell to the wayside, and are cheap enough for the boys who wanna have somethin' to brag about an' hold onto but can't afford the nice car that catches the feminine eye. Yessir these are cheap partly ‘cuz nobody cares about Lara Croft anymore ‘cept the nerds from the 90’s who still are in love with a computer game character. 3-D glasses an' Kleenex please! (Ah hell, for the tears, ah'm juss welling' up here!) Welp. Good news is that these beautiful covers — and like I said, plenty more where they came from — are easy pickups. (Hey!) I just feel compelled to post these here especially for the newbies forkin’ serious cash for his limited variant covers that come out now. Boys, do yourself a favor and get these too, since you're just' buying books for the cover, and they are still better than most o' the stuff out there.
Because DAMN. You know I’d buy that for a dollar!